Respond to Non-Responding

Teach your child that non-responses are always more work than interacting.

by Erica Key, Founder and Chief Learning Officer

As parents, we want our children to communicate their needs and feelings. However, some children learn that staying silent or merely pointing gets results faster. How should parents respond when a child ignores questions or requests? The following tips can help shift this pattern and promote verbal responses.

Avoid "Scrolling" Through Options

When children fail to respond, it's tempting to offer multiple, increasingly enticing choices until we hit on what they want. However, this teaches them to hold out longer for preferred items while expending little effort. Instead of scrolling through options, stick to your initial two choices.

Use Language Carefully

Start by ensuring questions are at an appropriate comprehension level, using concrete nouns kids understand. Prepare them by introducing key vocabulary ahead of time. Ask clear, direct questions, targeting one question at a time. And give ample response time, up to 20 seconds.

Structure Questions Thoughtfully

Rather than yes/no questions, offer two positive options focused on actions or objects. If "no" to both, ask why. When there are many possibilities, make one option "something else" to avoid lengthy lists. And position preferred choices last, since those stick better.

Prompt Persistently When Needed

If first attempts bring no response, gently repeat the question. Then provide models to elicit the desired reply, like "Huh, what did you say?" Follow through until your child complies, no matter how many repetitions it takes. Praise responding, even if it expresses dislike.

Consider Causes

Lack of responding can reflect uncertainty about consequences or difficulty imagining options from words alone. Address such barriers. But stay calmly consistent in requiring responses. Children must learn that verbal communication, however challenging, makes life easier.

The key is structuring situations and questions to necessitate verbal replies, prompting persistently as needed, and ensuring words consistently further children's goals. With time and consistency, responding becomes ingrained.